1. The people who have learnt to play Jeremy Kyle
I think it goes without saying that I do not idolise the people on the Jeremy Kyle Show, I just like to watch it because I genuinely cannot believe that some of these people exist. However, as the series are progressing, even the ‘less intellectually stimulated and motivated’ participants have twigged that the best way to get Jezza to stop screaming at you is to use on of his favourite lines:
A. “It’s not about us it is about our baby”
B. “If I’m such a rubbish parent then why have you let me look after our child for such a long time”
C. “I know we should have put something on the end of it”
And this annoys me. They don’t mean it, they won’t change. I just don’t like to see Jeremy played like that.
2. People that always have to have one better
We all know one person that when you tell a story about anything, the same thing has happened to them but much better than your simple story. For example:
“I went to the zoo”
“I went to the zoo too! In Africa where lions roam free and I cuddled one whilst riding an elephant that could talk”
Of course you did.
3. People with no manners
You hold the door open for someone, nothing. You let a car pull out , nothing. You let someone have the last cake, nothing. And then I just want to kick them because I don’t understand how people can be SO DANG RUDE. How hard is it to say thank you? And you know, older people are the worst. They just expect things because they are old. I’m all for respecting your elders but having more life experience than me would suggest that they would have heard of please or thank you perhaps once or twice in their life time. Some of the people I have encountered [particularly in retail] suggest not.
4. People who cannot follow simple social rules
Queuing. Lord above, why can people not queue properly? It is one of the most simple things ever created. The process of standing one behind the other in the order in which you arrived. Not cutting in the middle, not starting your own new queue, but just joining the back of the line or starting a line at the point in which a queue would logically form. Is it so hard to ask the person who appears to be randomly stood by a till whether they are in the queue rather than just shoving past them [yes you woman in Pret]? Or would that just be to easy? PEOPLE PLEASE, it is the simplest of things.
5. People who only bother with you some of the time
Not even people that are necessarily your friends but people that you just know. Acquaintances if you will. When things happen and they pop up like ‘hey, we haven’t spoken since you passed me a crayon when we were 5 but if you need to talk about it I’m here for you’
Please, let us take a second to evaluate this situation. If I haven’t spoken to you in 100 years, please tell me why I would go and discuss my issues with you in depth. Oh yes, I remember, because I want you to discuss me with other people! I can’t believe I forgot that… I am so silly.
Deep breaths people. Deep breaths.