I got home from work at 4am this morning. I do not work in a night club but a clothes shop and in what logical thought process do you need staff in a clothes shop at that time? The one word that fills everyone who works in retail with dread and fear: Sale.
So as you can imagine I was very tired when I rolled out of bed at 11-ish this morning but as it is finally sunny I decided to move myself to the garden. As I come back in the house I see a face peering through the glass panel at my front door.
Now the problem with the door is that the glass panels are that wavy, distorted glass so I could see a face but had no idea who it was.
After nearly wetting myself my half awake brain went through the following options:
a. Just walk away and do not answer the door.
b. Answer the door without actually opening it.
The reason I did not want to open the door – do not laugh – is because of all of those stupid things you see on Facebook about gangs sending children to front doors to tell good samaritans, such as myself, that they are lost and then whilst the child is distracting the homeowner, gangs raid the house and rob and kill people.
And also because in horror films the old lady always gets possessed and does some freaky stuff. Or is a gypsy witch and curses people.
I did not want this to happen to me. I’m a spring chicken and have plenty of life to live you see.
The face was only little and the person was not very tall so I was 100% contemplating the fact that I could probably die in the next 5 minutes. No exaggeration.
So I decided to man up and answer the door.
It was an old woman, easily 150, sweating and panting on my door step. Brilliant.
My brain is not functioning properly enough to do anything in an emergency situation. At this point I am still looking out for gang members as she could have easily been from the hood. You just don’t know these things.
So it turned out she was not from the hood but selling Raffle tickets for an animal shelter. So my judgement of the situation was slightly out. Slightly.
So being the lovely person that I am, I see that her water bottle is nearly empty and offer to fill it up for her. As I am walking off to do my good deed she shouts “Have you got any squash I can have with that?”
So I give her the squash and she goes on her way but instead of walking up the drive, I see her wonder off to the side of the house.
For the love of God.
So I run off to lock the backdoor and go to spy on her from the upstairs window, but cannot see her anywhere. I e-mail the Madre to make sure she is coming home to save me at lunchtime, loiter around the window for a few minutes more before bravely going back downstairs and popping my head out of the front door so see her stood by the back garden gate.
So I checked if she was OK and she proceeded to tell me about her medication etc. and basically told me to leave her too it.
You don’t have to tell me twice.
She is probably still there. I’m just waiting for her face to pop up at the window any minute now.