9 types of drinkers

So far so good on the blogging every week.

I am failing miserably at blogging every week. I am having a writer’s block, every time I go to write a blog I discover I have nothing of interest to write about. All I want to do is vent and whinge and moan, but I feel that in the long run that won’t be productive in any way, so, when I was thinking about all the things I could write about, I clocked the half drunk bottle of wine, 3 ciders, 3 ready mixed mixers and the other 2 full bottles of wine (one is a miniature so it is ok) on my shelf. This got me thinking, what sort of drinker am I? And no, I’m not an alcoholic just a student.

My favourite drinks are easily wine, tequila and vodka with apple juice and lemonade. Anything else makes me horrificly drunk, and that – in recent events – has only ended in disaster. So whilst contemplating my drunken antics, I was thinking about others and VOILA, my next blog appeared.

9 types of drinkers

#1 The hammered drunk
Obviously, this is the first one as it is the most common in binge drinking Britain. Whenever you go out, or even just go on the tube. The hammered drunks will be doing one of the following:
a) laying on the floor of the club / toilet / taxi or just in the middle of the street
b) vomming up everything they have eaten for the past week and proceeding to rub that sick on themselves and in the surrounding metre radius
c) rebounding off every surface as they try to walk anyway
d) starting a fight
e) cuddling their newly acquired best friend
f) ‘kissing’ someone, ‘kissing’ being slobbering on someones face as they use that face to keep them upright.
g) being chased by their friend who is trying to keep them under control / stop them from face planting
h) trying to convince a bouncer / bar staff that they are in fact sober
i) drunk texting their ex / crush whilst sobbing about how they have just drunk text their ex / crush
Evidently, the hammered drunk gets up to a lot of stuff. From experience when you are NOT the hammered drunk they are beyond irritating and it is like looking after a child with one leg and ADHD who has just consumed a packet of Smarties and a bottle of coke. Good times.
Not from experience – Saint child that I am – when you are that crazed drunk and are running riot life is good.

#2 The crying drunk
My friend Irish cries whenever she drinks Gin. Specifically Gin. We have no idea why, it just makes her very emotional about life. So Irish, this ones for you. And you Griff.
We were at a friends house just drinking and having a chat. Griff was laughing her head off about something, probably me, we looked back and she was crying. Not just tears trickling, full blown cartoon crying where the tears spring out of their eyes and leave puddles on the floor. Who knows why? Well, I know why, but at the time we were all completely baffled by her random out burst.
So yes, the crying drunk is a common one with the girls but I know that some of the guys have done it to. The crying drunk is an odd one as they usually sleep quite soon after beign emotionally drained so let them cry, whack them in bed and carry on with the drinking. ARIBA ARIBA!

#3 The raging drunk
We all know someone who can’t handle their drink. They are lovely when they are sober but something about alcohol turns them into an absolute prick and this can’t be escaped, except of course by them sticking to the lemonade. They get aggresive about you accidently brushing past them in a rammed club, they get angry at the bar people for not serving them straight away, they get angry at something breathing in the direction of their partner, you name it, they get angry. Bad times.
My friend Joely isn’t usually a raging drunk but on this one occassion, which naturally I will share with you, she went mental.
We were at a house party and she thought she had lost her phone. She told us that she had 100% put her phone in her jacket pocket, which was hung on the bannister near where a group of boys were sitting. “They have stolen my phone! I KNOW IT” So after looking everywhere for about an hour and being absolutely convinced these boys were thieves Joely went raging up to them accusing these poor, innocent may I add, boys of stealing her phone. The girl whose house party it was came wandering down the stairs with Joely’s phone in hand as Joely had actually left it upstairs after chucking a drink down herself and hairdrying her dress in her room. Guess who doesn’t take her phone out of her bag at house parties anymore…

#4 The random drunk
These are the ones who do the most bizarre things. There is no rational explanation. Well I suppose there is, they don’t think they just do. Some examples of this – just for context not for my own lols:
The following are all from my friend Rhys, the KING of random drunkness,
– Walking off with 10 whole chickens from the meat market (they are still in his freezer)
– Transporting road signs and traffic cones back into the building
– Making a documentary about the vegan poo left in the toilet
– Relocating thrown away Christmas trees
– Taking as many leaflets as humanly possible
– His dinosaur impressions
and that is what I know about, I dread to think what else he has done on his drunken rampage.
– Another one of my friends randomly went up to his girlfriend and tipped his entire beer over her head for no reason what so ever. You can imagine the repercussions of that one.
– My friend Maysoon likes to bellydance and shout all sorts of comments out of her window which is the one below mine so I always know when she is drunk. Lucky me.

#5 The good time drunk
One of my favourites, all they want to do is have a good time and love life. They are one of my favourites because they just want to dance and continue to drink making them the best ones to go out with and you will never fail to have a good time with.

#6 The impossible-to-get-drunk drunk
It does not matter how much you give this tank, they are never drunk. It does not matter how long you have known them, you have never seen them drunk. Not because they don’t drink but because they have the liver of a rhinocerous so just take on alochol like water.

#7 The slutty drunk
We ALL know one of these. Another one of my favourites as they make me lol-to-death. The ‘slutty’ catergory is far ranging as it can be:
– dressing slutty
– acting slutty
– actually being slutty
Acting and actually being slutty doesn’t mean kissing one guy, it means kissing 5 and then leaving with another. It also includes dancing with 1000s of guys whilst wearing the shortest shorts humanly possible and a bandeau top. You know if you are that girl (or guy, wear what you want).

#8 The ‘I love you’ drunk
Close to the hammered drunk, but they will always go one way and that is a lover way. They love everything particularly their best friends and strangers.

#9 The vomming drunk
It does not matter what they drink or how quickly they drink it, they will always end the night with their head down a toilet or in a bin as they reproduce their nights worth of alcohol consumption.
Ahh Millan? Would I forget your 21st birthday when I broke my thumb and they bought you back and you were vomming on yourself on your sofa before being carried like a baby into your bedroom?
Although I can’t talk about birthday vomming after I drunk so much Jaegarmister + Herbalmister (the fake version) that I projectile vommited in front of everyone at my party before passing out at 10pm? Good times.

Drunk times are good times.

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