It is common knowledge that some of the best nights out are spontaneous and last minute. Applying this rule, when I went to retrieve my friend Tara from the train station yesterday, we went for ‘a couple of drinks’ and a catch up. This resulted in going to retrieve Frankie, get ready and then go out.
In order not to embarrass
myself us I am simply going to refer to us as Sugar, Honey and Icetea when talking about us, as I feel the need to share the antics but not admit what an absolute drunk tool I was. The night went as follows:
Sugar, Honey and Icetea were drinking wine in Sugars flat.
Sugar, Honey and Icetea got in a taxi. Honey paid so Sugar bought shots in the club as payback. At this point Sugar, Honey and Icetea had already had wine.
Sugar, Honey and Icetea were dancing around having a jolly time, when Icetea proceeded to faceplant the floor. There was no transition from standing to laying, Icetea just hit the deck. Sugar and Honey were laughing far too much to help poor Icetea, who was helped up by a random Australian guy who then asked for her number. As Icetea pointed out, what sort of guy gets the number off someone so graceful that they have just been laying on the floor of a club? But all the same…
Icetea goes off for a cigarette and comes back with 3 double vodka and cokes. Sugar, Honey and Icetea all have a nice big cuddle rambling about how much they love each other and how much fun they were having on their ‘girls night out’
Honey reminds Sugar in the morning that shortly after this she did a slow motion slut drop.
Sugar, Honey and Icetea go to the bar and get more vodka cokes and tequila shots. Sugar sprays her tequila across the bar similarly to how a whale spouts water causing Honey to die with laugher.
Sugar, Honey and Icetea go and do more dancing.
Icetea goes for another cigarette. Sugar and Honey are waiting for her inside on some seats when the Australian guys from earlier on come and sit with them. Sugar decides she feels like she is going to vom her life up, so she goes to the toilet leaving Honey with the Australians.
Sugar falls down the stairs on her bum. Luckily no one saw except a bouncer who just laughed as she hobbled off. Sugar was not sick.
When Sugar returns, Honey was sitting alone and then Icetea came back.
Sugar, Honey and Icetea pile into a taxi home. Sugar decides the best thing to stop her vomming everywhere is to sit in the airplane brace position which did in fact work. Icetea had her photo taken with a dying Sugar where she is licking Sugar’s hair.
Honey paid for the taxi as Sugar fell out of the taxi being caught by Honey and Icetea. Sugar does this time throw up everything she has drunk for the past year until the security comes out because she is being so loud. When the security guard asks if she has been sick Icetea shouts “NO” as they all ‘run’ inside.
Honey and Icetea drag Sugar back to her flat.
Icetea kicks Sugars flatmates shoes whilst Honey gets Sugar into her room. Sugar then throws up in her bin for a while before Icetea leaves. Honey stays until Sugar is passed out and puts the room mates shoes back to their rightful place. Shortly after he puts them in his room.
The next day Sugar looks at her phone at the drunk texts she sent. They went as follows
“Fit! Have more confidence xx” – why? Just why.
“You are prstty xx” – to a boy.
“#hangingham #mkmassive #gash #axewound #motherfuckerswannafindme #wine” – such a lady.
A conversation with her best friend:
Sugar’s friend: “Did you mean to just call me? Xx”
Sugar: “Yeas blakc music xx” “Just for you xx”
Sugar’s friend: “Haha thankyou! Where are you? xx”
Sugar: “Revs leadonhal; 3 5 9 dan yoy fine, i miss you xxx” – their favourite song is Ying Yang Twins – Get Low. The actual lyrics are 3 6 9 dam you fine. Brilliant.
Sugar’s friend: “I miss you too! We’ll organise visits soon – maybe when you’re more sober 😉 xxx”
Sugar: “Haha in sober now?! Haha you need to come down here xx” “Im not sober but nevs mind im grammatcal hahahaha xx”
Sugar’s friend: “Yeah I will for sure! Hahahaha! Always grammatical 😉 xxx”
Sugar: “Grammatically correct drunk! #thatshitcray xx”
What is Sugar’s life?!
So as you can see Sugar, Honey and Icetea had a very pleasant evening being lady like and graceful as usual. Today Sugar was dying and did not wake up from her comatose state until 3.30 because Honey called her to make sure she was alive. Poor Sugar.
Alcohol + falling over + sick = routine events on a girls night out. Such fun.