What is life, a phrase that I use almost
daily hourly, scrap that – I say it in every other sentence. Khal you can have full credit for the phrase that I have adopted. What is life is perfect to use whenever you do something stupid, unexplainable or unbelievable.
Some examples on when I have actually said it to myself, and Frankie who was also present and laughing, so far today [it is 1.10]
1. Waking up feeling like death and my room looking like a bomb site.
2. Tidying up the bomb site which mainly consisted of plastic cups and glasses and several bottles of ginger beer and vodka.
3. When I was packing my suitcase home and I had ridiculous amounts of stuff. The suitcase I am using is one my mum and dad share for a 2 week holiday.
4. When I was about to leave my flat and realised that I had forgotten stuff. Mainly my rabbit that I have had since I was born – evidently from mine and rabbits age it isn’t a real rabbit just to clarify so you don’t get upset at the next bit – and had to stuff him in my laptop bag.
5. When I was dragging my sorry hungover arse to the tube station on a wet, slippery road in my wedge boots with a huge case, laptop bag and a thick scarf and coat sweating like Lee Evans. Unfortunately I did not in any way, shape or form look like when Cameron Diaz does it in The Holiday.
6. When I got to the tube station and had to lug my double decker sized case down some stairs just as the tube was approaching and run on to the train. Naturally it really helped the sweating.
7. When I was on the tube trying to manuever my case, bag and limbs and my case nearly fell forward, I gasped like I’d been shot causing everyone to look at my grim self and the man who it almost fell on, and would have crushed his foot if it did, to catch it and give me a pitying look whilst trying not to laugh in my face.
8. Getting off at Kings Cross and having to carry my case UP the stairs, which is even worse than trying to get it down, with it banging into my leg on every step. Then trying to balance my case, bag and limbs on the escalator. Again looking lush as ever.
9. Getting on the tube again to Euston, being fine, catching my breath, everything was fine until the train got to the platform and just as I let go of the sodding hand rail it decides it doesn’t want to stop and moves forward a couple of feet. I panic, don’t want to embarrass myself even more if that is possible at this sweaty point, grab the rail which another guy has already put his hand on and grab his hand instead.
10. Finally getting to Euston, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, having 5 minutes til my train and then theres a queue for tickets. Naturally and as usual I missed my intended train.
11. Finally getting on the train, where I am now, finding a seat but there is no where for my giant case of doom so it gets the seat next to me. Then as the train fills up, my case loses her seat so is now sat on my feet with my laptop case in my lap and I am feeling so rough. The person who has sat next to me smells like a kebab shop and cigarettes mixed with must – not judging I probably don’t smell great – gave me one disgusted look, put the arm rest down and has spread himself out. Glad your comfy mate. I’m in some sort of yoga pose by the window loving life.
12. Going back to this morning in my flat, when I put my bin in the shower – being a real lady I was sick in it last night (thanks Khal and Eddy). I genuinly put bleach in it, put the shower on and left it to clean itself.
13. When I made myself a cheese and ham toasted bap, yes ha ha. I love baps etc., and I burnt it. Once again proving im a domestic goddess.
Just in general what is life sometimes. I’m now at home for Christmas and hopefully in the comfort of my own bed and with my mum’s cooking and dad’s beans on toast, my W.I.L moments will be kept to a minimum until January.