I would just like to point out that not all of these people are in MY lectures but I’m not going to lie to you, a large majority are. If you can’t find yourself in here it is because
a) you are too boring to write about.
b) you are an average Joe.
But don’t take it personally. At least you aren’t annoying. Just invisible.
#1 The questioner
The person who waits until 5 minutes until the end of the lecture to ask the lecturer a question that gets them practically aroused and leads to the lecture being extended 10 minutes. For the love of God. Or the person who asks one question and after they have been given a response are still not satisfied and ask another. And another. And another. PEOPLE PLEASE. Or the person who just asks really ficking stupid questions that have just been answered.
Lecturer: “Go to room C349478987589”
Questioner: “What room do we go to?”
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. If you had been listening instead of fannying about with whatever crap you were doing then you would know that wouldn’t you? Rage. When people say “there is no such thing as a stupid question” they are lying.
#2 The i-Person
They have set up camp at the back of the room and have their iPhone, iPad and Mac at the ready. It looks like NASA head quarters but its sole purpose throughout the whole lecture is to bob about on Facebook or Twitter or really push the boat out and using both at the same time on their various machinery. I’m not judging, I tweet my way through some lectures – particularly about my lecturer Babs as she cracks me up – but I will listen to some stuff at least. Some people are Skyping, having full-blown conversations on Facebook chat. Do some work people! Or let me borrow your iPad to go on ASOS…
#3 The sleeper
I feel I may fall into this category. Sorry Mum. I have practically become nocturnal so I am very tired during the day. Once I am warm and fed I am like a baby – I will go straight to sleep. I could be really interested in everything you are saying but once I am comfy…. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I’ve got better as I have learnt to adapt and keep myself awake (I had to during freshers week) but I have a few pages with huge pen lines across as I have dropped off as I am writing. I am a sly sleepy person though, some people actually flat out lie on the desk. The key is, to sit under the air con so you are cold, but take a jumper so you don’t freeze to death. Water and chewing gum also helps. Unless you can fall asleep whilst eating then it is probably a health hazard.
#4 The hanger
[this one is just for you Rhys and Ella] Very similar to the sleeper but their symptoms also include:
– resembling a vampire with their eerily red eyes and death like skin
– smelling of jagermister, vodka, tequila or sambuca whenever they move a fraction
– looking dazed and confused at any sound
Or at the other end of the spectrum they may still be drunk in which means they will:
– laugh at anything and everything
– be too familiar, touchy feely style.
– have no co-ordination or spacial awareness (be careful not to mistake clumsy people for drunks though.)
I fell into this category, paddled about a bit and then rolled back out again. No more going out on Uni nights for me you see. Except this Thursday. And maybe Wednesday. But that is all!
#5 The oracle of knowledge
The person that you question why they are here and haven’t skipped years and graduated already. How do you know so much? Teach me oh wise one. They are usually pretty normal about being a child prodigy too, not a know it all (although there are indisputably exceptions to this) but just casually whack out a nice fact every now and then. I wish I could be one of those people. A walking encyclopedia. Even when I do know the answer, I refuse to answer because there are so many people in the room that will potentially turn round and look at me. I am going to make a great journalist some day.
#6 The random
These people never turn up, so when they do turn up everyone is confused by their presence. Are they actually on the course? Probably not. One girl turned up to a lecture and left after half an hour. When they lecturer asked why she was leaving, she replied ‘I don’t do journalism’. HALF AN HOUR. What a loon.
#7 The opinion
I don’t have anything against people with opinions, I actually quite enjoy it. But when they don’t listen and it is their way or the highway, I do not enjoy or even like it. I think it is irritating and very closed-minded. There isn’t anyone on my course, yet, who appears to be that way. Although a lecture
debate row, Friday’s question time can get really rowdy sometimes, would be pretty good with some of the personalities on our course. JERRY! JERRY!
#8 The hard worker
They are at every lecture. They take pages of immaculate notes and are always there early. Not on time, early. They go to all the extra talks and seminars and generally have a glowing gold ring hovering inches from their head.