The Flat of Doom – 1-0 to Team Cooper

If you have read any of my most recent blogs, they are heavily sprinkled with whinges about my flat mate who does not do anything but create mess in the flat.

We had another flat inspection today and surprise surprise it failed.

Yesterday, I put a note on the kitchen door so that everyone could see it, explaining that basically “we have a flat inspection and me and Ze have gone on strike so you boys need to do it”. We failed the flat inspection – on the flooring throughout the flat and everything in the boy bathroom [the toilet, the sink, the bath, the floor] – because they didn’t do it. If it is not clean by tomorrow the entire flat has to pay the £200. This is not going to happen as I point-blank refuse to pay for the piss on the floor of the boy bathroom to be cleaned. Additionally, I am not paying for the fact that rice cannot be transported adequately from the bag to the rice cooker. It isn’t going to happen.

So I went on a post-it note rampage. The post-it notes read:
– [On Jon’s door] “Please take out the recycling by the front door.” I said please, I feel this was nice. Much nicer than he deserved. If it isn’t done I am going to kick off big time in our flat meeting tomorrow. He had already taken out 1 bin bag earlier on in the day, but decided to leave the over flowing recycling – why?!
– [On Amir’s door] “Please do the hoovering as Jon has taken out 1 of the bin bags” this note was accompanied by Henry [hoover] propped up against his door, smiling happily up at him.
– [On the boy bathroom door] You need to clean this. It really smells and we will all have to pay a fine”

Amir was not home when I put these notes up. I cleaned the kitchen and then set up camp in my room. You can hear every door unlocking and opening, and I knew everyone else was in their rooms, so when I heard a key in the front door and waited eagerly for something to kick off.

There was a pause as he was clearly reading the note, and then I heard Henry being dragged to the kitchen. All the doors in the flat are fire doors and as a result they shut very quickly – much quicker than it takes for Henry to wheel through – I would know being the only one that has hoovered since September. I then heard Henry get stuck in the door and Amir proceed to wrestle Henry around the kitchen and the hall, slamming into everything he could to clearly make a stroppy point.

However this did not touch the pure glee I was feeling from winning one battle in the flat war. I then heard him put Henry back to bed in the cleaning cupboard and move on to the bathroom. Brilliant. More slamming about. More evil grinning from me.

1-0 to Me. *smug grin*

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