5 types of people in the library

As I type I am sat in the allocated silent study floor of the Library. It is eerily silent until you get the one university student who has missed all 20 silent study signs and is shouting their way into the library. Firstly, how can you miss all the signs!? They are on every door that you have to push open to get in, as well as on the walls of the stairs you have to walk up to get in. Secondly, when you have loudly clattered your way in, do you not notice the million death stares of geeky scholars such as myself and the fact that your voice is the only sound?! What is wrong with some people?! How did you get to university if you can’t even read? Baffled.

Anyway, not I have vented about the pure idiocy of some people I can go back to my usual non-high maintainance self and just judge the people within the library instead.

#1 The people who are forced to be here.
I think I come under this category. I have an essay to do and there is no way on this Earth I would be sat in this dull place if I could run essay-free through London. We are easily identifiable. We have our laptops out and are surrounded by books but when you go past our screens there is nothing of any academic value what so ever. Not even on another tab. Only Facebook, Twitter and ASOS. I am actually slacking, I don’t even have any books for effect. Only my notebook with my crippled, illegible thumb notes scrawled on. What a good student. In credit to myself I have been quite productive since I have been here. I am 1/4 through my essay, have deleted my e-mails and learnt that a fracture and a broken bone are the same thing but that was from Aimee who I was texting not any research of my own. So to reiterate, what a good student.

#2 The hardcores
They have 100 books (not for effect) and are switching between them all as they scrawl notes so quick that smoke is coming from their cubicle and have an iPad which they are typing on. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I am not being horrid – meaning I am about to be absolutely vile – but they look like they have been here for days weeks. How can someone have that much work? Time management people. If you time manage effectively, like myself, you can blog, text, go shopping, go to a gig and go to a spa before your essay has to be in in 4 days time. Once again high lighting what an excellent student I am. It is ok Mum, I get the job done.

#3 The people who need to study but don’t
You watch them come in. 5 minutes later you watch them leave with no books. I have prime spot you see. I am sat facing the entrance and the bit where you have to scan your books. My hawk eyes, easily distracted shockingly enough, can see everything. The shouters, the loud whispers, the people who trip over and the people who are walking out looking defeated as they have done nothing. People watching is always amusing as people always do such funny things without realising. For example, I just watched a poor chinese guy with about 20 books a ruler width thick kick a swing door to get it to open. This is a good plan until the door swung back before he had managed to dash through. He then proceeded to spend another couple of minutes kicking it before realising it was probably easier to push it open with his back. People please – you are at university! I am not over flowing with common sense but for the love of God. I am digressing, he was clearly one of the eager beavers, but he is still funny to discuss. In fact I may bring him up again later…

#4 The eager beavers
I also feel I fit into this category. Not right now obviously, but I have been to the library twice this week – my reading week – not including today, and the first time I stumbled back with 6 huge books about Margaret Thatcher before discovering that it isn’t my politics essay that has to be in Monday, it is history so all the great books I got out were useless and the politics essay doesn’t have to be in until the end of November. All the same, I was a right eager beaver and looked very intellectual as I was whacking out all these mammoth books on “Thatcherism”, not so much when I couldn’t get the checking out machine to work. The other eager beavers are here with 20 empty Costa Cups, Redbulls and so much food. I am actually quite jealous. Of the food, nothing else. The library doesn’t close til midnight and I guarantee there is at least one person in this room who has been here since it opened. I will be at home in Milton Keynes by then thinking of nothing but saunas and food… mmm cheese…

#5 The people who don’t understand how the library works
I was in this category at the beginning of the week but not I am PRO. As I said, my brilliant spot by the door allows me to see the confused souls staring around at the rows and rows and rows filled with books, having no clue about where to begin. I would help but I have no idea where half the stuff is either. I can navigate my way to the Journalism section on one floor and the politics section on this one. But nothing else. Everything’s labelled so they will get it. Eventually. Although if they can’t master the silent study sign they have no hope. I can just about get in to the library with my card – the first time I tried I was there for about 5 minutes with my other blonde friend (cue the “2 blondes were trying to get in to a library jokes”) swiping our cards with nothing happening – so I will probably just make things worse. So I am going to continue to sit and mock people instead. YAY.

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