The Flat of Doom – On the brink of World War 3

This date isn’t just Halloween. It is the end of moderate peace in my flat as we know it. I have called demanded a flat meeting with my vile room ‘mates’ because I have had enough. I have tried being nice, and as a lot of people know I sometimes find this very difficult, but I am ready to punch the Swedish guy Amir and I am not even sure if Gold-puffa-jacket-Jon is alive. I haven’t seen him since I left on Friday. Although my friend ran in to his room on Sunday night and he was there so I guess he is floating around somewhere.

The flat meeting was called after I found a post it note above the bin. It read as follows
“I have taken out the bin 4 consecutive times. Someone else needs to do it. Amir”
I should have probably added that it was actually Amir’s week to do the bins. As me and Amir are already in a state of war, naturally I knocked on his door to set the record straight.

Me: “Amir, the reason you have taken out the bins “4 consecutive times” is that it is your week to do this bins”
Amir: “I did it last week too”
Me: “Well on the rota it wasn’t your week so you didn’t have to take the bins out”
Amir: “But someone kept taking them out of the bin and leaving them by the door”
Me: “Yes, that was me because the bin was over flowing. It was Jon’s week and I left them there for Jon.”
Amir: “………….” This gap is him staring at me like I am a complete bitch.
Me: “So I think we should have a flat meeting to sort all of this out”
Amir: “………….”
Me: “Yes? When are you next free during the week?”
Amir: “………….”
Me: “WHEN. ARE. YOU. FREE?”
Amir: “I don’t go in on a Wednesday”
Me: “Brilliant. I finish at 3 so we can have a nice flat meeting, keep 5 o’clock free’
Amir: “………….”
Me: “See you Wednesday!”
Amir: Shuts the door in my face.

So rude. It’s like trying to get blood from a stone. I’ve had more cooperative conversations with a wall. I wanted to add that it was really kind of him to help me take the bin bag out of the bin when he came in and saw me struggling with my claw of a hand [my poor broken thumb has provided me with many issues]. Do you see what I am dealing with.

I went home over the following weekend and decided to hide my washing up liquid so that someone else would buy some. I left Friday evening and returned late Sunday evening to discover that there was still no washing up liquid. How the bloody hell have they been washing up for two whole days? Then Frankie said “They have probably used the hand soap by the sink” and I think she was actually right. The soap [that I had purchased, obviously] had decreased dramatically. What is wrong with some people?

Then came the flat inspection this morning. If you do not pass the flat inspection they leave a letter telling you why. Then they come back the following day to re inspect. If you do not pass this they charge you £200 [on top of the £180.50 a week] to clean the flat properly. I woke up to find the inspection had already happened. We had a letter. We did not pass. Two things failed us; the floor and the hob.

I hoovered on Monday day because I was trying to do anything but my essay. It isn’t my week but being nice and the fact that there was more rice on the floor than in the actual packet [both in the kitchen and hall as they eat in their rooms] I did it. Within 24 hours of me hoovering the floor was grim once more. And don’t even get me started on the hob. Amir only cooks with cooking oil. He also only cooks pasta or rice and frys chicken everyday. Now as most people know when oil gets hot it spits everywhere. So let us create some nice mental images. We have been living here for approximately 6 and a half weeks. He frys chicken twice a day and has done since we moved in. He never, ever, ever wipes the hob after using it. It only gets cleaned when I have made fajitas which is about 3 times, so you can imagine what the hob looks like. I have just spent the past half an hour [before coming to vent here] with a plastic bag around my claw, because I can’t get my thumb wet as it is broken and bandaged, SCRUBBING the hob to within an inch of its unfortunate life to make a moderate difference. The oil is practically baked onto the hob. It is disgusting and I have had enough.

When this flat meeting happens everyone should take cover. I know exactly how it is going to go.
G.P.J-Jon won’t talk at all. Ze will agree with me and Amir will continue to look at me like I am kicking a bag of puppies or something. Is it really unreasonable to want a clean flat? I don’t complain about the pans, plates, bowls, uncleaned rice cookers, cups and cutlery everywhere, I don’t care about that, I just want cleanliness!

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One thought on “The Flat of Doom – On the brink of World War 3

  1. i can relate to every single word in this, i dont understand how people can be so dirty!

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