Yesterday I went to see Sinister. I essentially spent £8.80 to have heart failure and not even watch or even listen to the bloody film. If you, like me, are easily persuaded to see a scary film because it is a good idea for the 5 seconds before you book the ticket, then you can still watch the film – just be prepared.
#1 Take several extra layers
Scarves, hats, sunglasses, blankets etc. These will always come in handy because when you are chilled to death by the creepy face you can warm yourself back up or simply just cover your entire face with item. This isn’t embarrassing or admitting that you are petrified beyond belief, it is simply preparation for when you go to bed later so that you can actually sleep and not wet the bed with fear. If you are feeling slightly braver, a thin scarf is good as you can make out shapes through it so you don’t miss the general jist of the film.
#2 Take lots and lots and lots of food
A distraction is good. Nothing to crunchy as it can ruin the mood for others, particularly when it is completely silent and you whack out the celery. Just don’t start eating when they are about to hack of someone’s leg as you are probably going to throw it back up – and that is just a waste of money in student living times. I recommend chocolate and prehaps Vodka to numb the pain? Ok, fine not Vodka. Jaeger.
#3 Don’t sit near the front
Unless you are part blind and have removed your glasses/contact lenses DO NOT SIT NEAR THE FRONT. Unless you are one of those weird thrill seeking people who enjoy pooing themselves. Sit as far away from the screen and speakers as humanly possible. So the back row, dead in the middle is the best way to go and plus, there may be some rowdy couples that you can laugh/throw stuff at instead – anther distraction.
#4 Don’t sit near people you don’t know
Death gripping a random strangers leg when you are scared half to death is not a way to make friends. Particularly with the girlfriend or wife of the poor guy whose leg you have just grabbed. So probably best to just put your hands over your face of sit on them. Make sure you move them from under yourself as you wet yourself though, no one wants to have hands that smell of piss.
#5 Don’t sit near mean friends
We all have the friend who is not at all phased by scary films and will make it their mission to grab your leg or pull your hair during the scariest part of the film. I’m not going to lie, despite the fact that I hate scary films, I also do this to others because it is hysterically funny (and is also another distraction) to see someone else more scared than me. So it is probably best to sit on the end of the row next to the friend who is equally as scared as you.
So in summary sit on your own at the back with a bag of minstrels, a bottle of vodka, on your own with a scarf over your face. Perfectly normal.