Really, this stuff isn’t just applicable for Uni but also at any time you meet someone who you know is going to be in your life for longer than 1 day.
#1 Verbally abuse people you have only just met.
Maybe it is just me being offended way to easily; maybe it is the fact that some people have the social skills of a plank of wood but when is it ever, ever, ever a good idea to call someone a slut or tell them they look like they would be stupid when you haven’t actually told them your name? This is particularly worsened when the person is a complete troll or so obnoxious and pompous that they don’t even realise that they are being such a tool. Banter is acceptable but there is a fine line between banter and being a nob. For the love of God people, at least pretend to be nice for a week.
#2 Grope the people who you are going to live with for the next year.
Just because I’m drinking and wearing shorts doesn’t mean that I want you to touch me. I have preached this philosophy regularly to my newly acquired uni friends: the brief touching of a bum cheek is ok, attempting a breast or trying to enter me will not go down well. EVER. Unless you manage to find a sketty betty who will let you do such things – which is surprisingly common as I have witnessed on my first night out – you will never find a decent girl who will want to be with you after you have such a pervert. Even if you do find that girl, you will still be branded a pervert by everyone in the building.
#3 Slut around.
Male or female, once you have been around/in all the rooms during freshers week you will be left outside from then on. You may be everyone’s favourite initially but once you have offered your best you will no longer be popular. I’m not preaching celibacy and if you do want to sleep around then feel free but in the words of my favourite Jeremy Kyle “put something on the end of it” and don’t be surprised if you get something.
#4 Lie about things that actually make you seem like a twat.
Everyone wants to make a good impression in their first week so puts on their best behaviour, whacks out their best and most funny stories from their lives prior to this point but be sensible about what you go around saying. No one wants to be friends with someone who makes random, bizarre or offensive comments or is uncomfortably open about their ‘wild’ sexual experiences. This is even more true when it is blindingly obvious that none of these things have happened to you and you are clearly lying. Why would you want these new people to think that you are weird before you have even begun? This results in everyone avoiding you like the plague and you having to befriend the outcast get around or the pervert. What great company…
#5 Not talk to anyone.
People get homesick and that is not a crime, but locking yourself in your room on the first day and not leaving it for 48 hours can lead to social isolation very quickly. If your room-mate makes an effort to talk to you, no matter how annoying they are, humour them and have at least one conversation as you never know, they might actually be ok. At the same time, don’t be irritating and interrogate every poor passer-by about their entire life.