9 types of dancers in the club

#1 People who think they are really good
These people require a large quantity of space and will continue to bash you on the head/back/arm/leg/face until you provide them with this space by moving. It is really embarrassing to see people who can’t dance, but think they can, act like they are the missing addition to Diversity when in reality they look like they are having some kind of fit.

#2 Bobbers
This is most common when the dancing area is empty. It is an awkward dance for people who feel awkward. Pro-bobbers will do it in time to the music, coordinating their drink intake with the beat but you can always spot someone out of their depth as they will be bobbing all over the place like Churchill whilst keeping their feet firmly planted in the same spot. Boys in particular are prone to being Bobbers as they wait at the bar or stare at poor unsuspecting girls.

#3 Arse dancers
These are mainly girls on the pull. They bend, shake, stick it out and grind against your leg when you are just trying to get past. It is all for a little bit of attention and a free drink. Some boys do it to, they are usually single and remain that way for a long time. The rule is, if they grab it then grind it otherwise please don’t push your bum into my vahoo, it does not float my boat and I will not buy you a drink; but a Lurker will.

#4 Lurkers
I suppose these don’t really count as dancers, as they don’t really dance but lurk around to music. They watch and wait for their moment to stare at people who are actually dancing and make everyone feel uncomfortable. They are usually alone or getting threatened by drunk abusive females who do not want to be groped.

#5 Mime dancers
They use all available limbs and facial expressions to mime the words to songs. Very amusing to watch from afar as people get absorbed into the moment with their friend and forget they are actually in a public place. Even more amusing when the songs are hiphop or rap such as The Ying Yang Twins “Get Low”, till the sweat drop down my balls…

#6 Normal dancers
There are a large percentage of these people. They can hold a beat and just bob around having a good time and don’t cause any accidental blindness with their odd arm movements.

#7 “I’m sitting on a bollard” dancers
Usually girls in shoes so big that if they don’t bend their legs in this bizarre way, they will tip over. They stand in a squat position, bum sticking out and wiggle like they are trying to slowly slip a bollard into their vahoo. Not nice.

#8 Jumpers
Boys. Always boys. Treading on innocent toes, ruining shoes and injuring the unsuspecting. They don’t even just jump up and down. They are practically doing star jumps, spinning around with their fingers spread apart so they can blind the maximum amount of people in one go. When girls become jumpers it’s because they are trying to be a ‘lad’. You do not look like a lad, you look like a knob.

#9 Arm dancers
This can range from playing the invisible bagpipes (arms like they are holding bagpipes, and then moving them up and down as if they are actually playing them) to simply raising them in the air and gassing the poor people in the surrounding area either with excessive deodorant or BO.

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