Shoppers can be divided into 8 simple categories. Each has their pros + cons, but ultimately they are all tolerable. Except 1.
#1 The Chatter
PROS: They make you feel like an actual human being.
CONS: There is a queue forming + although I did ask what the outfit was for, I don’t actually care.
#2 The Mum
PROS: It’s endearing + sweet. It also reminds you of a time when your parents paid for your clothes; before you had to get a sodding part time job as a shop assistant and deal with these people on a regular basis.
CONS: As they are clearly older than you they think you cannot adequately cope with the simple mundane tasks you do daily as a shop assistant. Folding clothes, checking the price of an item, giving the correct change that the till dictates. However, in their defence, it is painfully common how often the latter mistake occurs -.-
#3 The Crazy Nervous Laugher
PROS: You don’t have to make small talk because they are so nervous they are telling/screaming at you about how sweaty they are in between manic laughter.
CONS: You actually have no idea what they are saying so you join in with the crazed laughter + you to are now sweating. Lush. Oh + addressing the sweat issue doesn’t make it any more endearing.
#4 The Speedy Gonsalez
PROS: Good for dealing with the long queue caused by The Chatter.
CONS: They basically ignore you except to tell you that their parking ticket is running out or that they are running late. Basically a not-so-subtle code for “hurry the fick up lowely shop assistant”. Have a nice day o.O *twitch*
#5 The Mute
PROS: Can recover from The Crazy Nervous Laugher.
CONS: You feel like a complete knob, particularly when they have mountains of clothes, when you try to talk to them + they ignore you *cue awkward moment tweet*
#6 The Fellow Shop Assistant
PROS: Discussions of previous, awkward / rude customers provides an opportunity for both amusement + venting before your head explodes with rage.
CONS: They think they know everything about the processes within your shop despite working in a different shop. Remember, no one likes a know it all.
#7 The Sale Shopper
PROS: They clear the sale so you don’t have to put it out / pick it up off of the floor later.
CONS: They put it on the floor in the first place. They always find the items without barcodes + ask you to price check it every 30 seconds. They bring 50 items to the till + change their mind throughout the entire transaction. They walk off + continue to shop whilst you are waiting for them to pay. They always try + get more money off by choosing things without buttons, broken zips + rips. WHY?! o.O
#8 The Twat
PROS: They provide funny anecdotes at a later date.
CONS: At the time you’re ficking livid. They think they have the God given right to talk to you like:
a. a child
b. someone with the IQ of a spade
c. like they know your job better than you.
Despite being told ‘no’ they continue to argue with you until your manager comes overs, undermines you + you now have to serve them whilst they stand there being overly smug.